Dave Shields is The Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to "Relationship Advice". You can find complete information on Dave Shields and his products by visiting Kenosis Center.
Dear Dr. Romance Recently, I have gone back to online dating but have some very strong concerns. I just severed a 5-year relationship with a man who seems to have an internet addiction. He worked from home and was constantly on the porn and personals (by looking ... Views: 1503
Dear Dr Romance:Thank you for your article "Age Differences in Dating". I am a fortysomething woman whose fiance' died in my arms of heart failure three years ago. He was in his late sixties. Then I dated an ex-pro athlete who had a stroke and lost ... Views: 1342
Dear Dr. Romance: I live in Scotland and I think we are quite backward when it comes to mental health issues. I have spoken to 2 therapists now about my obsessive thinking, both of whom seem strangely perplexed by what I perceive to be quite a common problem. I seem to ... Views: 1376
Ian and Kim were a couple who came for marriage counseling, as they were constantly fighting over Kim's love of fashion and the financial cost of her shopping sprees, her husband Ian couldn't keep up with it and thought that there were far more important things to be spending money on. Kim felt ... Views: 1959
"Nicola, my husband is chronically complaining and forever in a bad mood. He manages to find something wrong with everything and is constantly feeling hard done by and down. I don’t know how to help him or live with him at times! I don’t want him to ruin the holidays for me and the children ... Views: 1455
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
September 12, 2016
Emotional intimacy is essential for sustaining love in a committed relationship. Discover how to create and nourish this deep connection.
Loving coupleThink back to times you felt 'in love.' Aside from chemistry, what was it that drew you to ... Views: 1125
Over the years, I’ve discovered there are few among us who embrace transitions. I’m not one of them.
Just ask my husband.
For perhaps the first ten years of our lives together, when we vacationed overseas (before the aid of the Internet to illustrate the sort of place we were headed to), ... Views: 1250
Dr. Romance writes: Do you sometimes feel locked in a struggle with yourself? I know I do. Why is it that we know what we want to do, but it’s such a struggle to actually get it done? Even Saint Paul writes, in a letter to the Romans, “I do not do the good I want, but the ... Views: 1501
Dear Dr. Romance: I was very attracted to a lady and I did things for her with out asking for any thing in return. She was single and I fixed her jeep, I put down new linoleum in her kitchen for her, we did go out together for drinks, dinner, dancing, ... Views: 3520
JUPITER in LIBRA: “And in the End, the Love You Take Is Equal to the Love You Make”*
“In love’s circle there's another kind of serenity; in love’s wine, another kind of hangover. What you learned in school is one thing, love is something entirely different.” RUMI
For more: Ruminations ... Views: 1732
Nowadays, someone no longer needs to get in touch with their friends in order to find out what they have been doing. The only thing they need to do is to go online and to use a social media site.
During this time, they could get an in depth understanding of how their friends have been ... Views: 1170
Once you’ve met people and discovered you have some things in common, the next step is to arrange to meet again. If that’s satisfying to both of you, you’ll need to continue to meet.
Ideally, you and the other person will take turns initiating contact. But if you initiate more at the ... Views: 6874
Studies have found that having friends is one of the most important contributions to having a happy and healthy life. Forming friendships isn’t difficult, but it does take some effort.
Friendships Come in All Shapes and Sizes
Some friends we know from childhood are with us our entire ... Views: 7003
Conflicts are normal in all relationships, even loving ones. It’s vital that these differences are resolved. If not, the feelings between you and your partner will gradually diminish.
Different personality types handle conflicts in different ways, and the way they argue depends on their ... Views: 7661
Couples who are most successful have learned how to argue effectively. Believe it or not, arguing in a caring fashion is a skill. Arguing can easily get out of control. You need self-confidence to bring up a topic you’re concerned about, and you need self-confidence to argue in a way that ... Views: 7498
Family relationships are some of the most important in your life. There are many families that you may be relating to:
• the family you grew up in
• your extended family of aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, and all their husbands and wives
• your current family
• perhaps the ... Views: 6905
Have you ever had a situation where you want another person to change their behavior, and you ended up arguing with them instead? There may have been yelling, put-downs and anger. This certainly isn’t the best way to get others to act in a different way.
One of the best ways to get others ... Views: 7316
Active listening is a powerful communication tool designed to really increase a person's self esteem.
Part 1 - For Kids Part 2 - For Adults
This tool is used to mirror our children’s statements with feeling. What does this mean? It is a way for parents to suss out and validate ... Views: 1259
Toxic relationships are like diamonds in the rough because until we shine them up, their brilliance cannot be appreciated. In shining them up we start to value their lessons and how they can help us to achieve healthy happy partnerships.
When we learn our lessons, of why we are in a toxic ... Views: 1303
Love is like a double blade knife. At one edge it's inspiring, at the other it's expiring. While it makes one live, at some point it can also be fatal. At times it encourages but there are times when it discourages.
Undeniably, most heartbroken gals tend to become desperate especially at the ... Views: 1321
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
August 22, 2016
Are you afraid that if you practice Inner Bonding, you will have to feel painful feelings that you have been avoiding your whole life with your various addictions?
Most people who have done even a little bit of Inner Bonding know the power it has ... Views: 1321
When one goes out at night with the intention of meeting someone, there is a strong chance that they will want to be at their best. There are then going to be a number of things that they can do.
The first thing they are likely to do is to make sure they look right, and this will involve the ... Views: 1388
While someone can spend time with people that they appreciate, they can also spend time with people who irritate them. As a result of this, not everyone is going to feel the same when they are around their friends.
When it relates to the former, one could find that they have the same values ... Views: 1254
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
August 29, 2016
Learning how to trust again is a process, not an event, and it take both inner and relationship work.
I received the following question about how to trust again:
"My husband and I remarried after we both got divorced and went through a number of ... Views: 1415
When it comes to being successful, it is often said that one shouldn’t take no for an answer and that they should keep going. As if they were to give up after they experience negative response, they are not going to get very far.
It is then going to be in their best interest to be ... Views: 10190
While there can be moments when one is in a position where they do know what is best, there are also going to be moments when this is not the case. It could be said that this is simply part of being human.
If, on the other hand, one was perfect, then there would be no reason for them to have ... Views: 1653
Dear Dr. Romance:
This is something that's puzzling me for along time. I often do want the playgirl, but they like the more bad boy type.
I know for sure I want sex without strings attached, many men get this, but I simply attract women who want a boyfriend, and I ... Views: 2032
Dear Dr. Romance:
My partner says I turn him on which means, it seems to me, that he would like to have sex every time he thinks about it. It's almost too much and I don't know how to handle it. My background with sex, including the children's dad, has been: ... Views: 1608
Have you found it hard to stay open in the face of conflict? Does your wounded self quickly take over, and your conflict resolution skills disappear?
Allison asked me the following question:
"I practice Inner Bonding when I feel I need it. I basically feel connected and when something is ... Views: 961
While there are some people who are able to experience intimacy, there are others who are unable to do so. As a result of this, it could be said that that their relationships are going to be extremely different.
When it comes to the former, someone will be used to being with people who ... Views: 1753
If you've decided that your spouse has obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and you’re trying to get help for the both of you, you’ve taken a step in the right direction. Recognizing that there's a problem with your partner’s behavior and that it needs to be addressed is the first step in finding ... Views: 2692
If you are having problems in your marriage, depression may be part of the reason. Recent studies have indicated that depression is associated with the quality of a relationship. Additionally, the quality of a relationship can affect a person’s level of depression.
Not surprisingly, someone ... Views: 2032
When one is attracted to someone in the real world, it can be due to a number of different factors. On one hand, how they look could play a part, and on the other hand, it could be the result of how one feels in their presence.
There is also the chance that how one feels in the other ... Views: 1408
Almost all relationships experience a certain level of difficulties. However, when one of the partners has a psychiatric disorder, such as an anxiety disorder, the relationship will have new challenges, and their previous problems can be worsened.
Each has shown that people suffering from ... Views: 1735
When one is in a relationship, they are likely to have less time to spend with their friends. This is because when they are with someone, they are going to spend a lot of their time with them.
And as they are going to be an important part of their life, it could be said that this is to be ... Views: 1631
Dr. Romance writes:
Would you like to stretch time – to make the time you have go farther, and use it more for what you really want to do? Stretching time is not difficult if you have the prerequisites: self-awareness, a sense of purpose, thoughtful action, and a playful ... Views: 1652
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
These three simple – but not always easy – choices can create such incredible joy!
One of the things I love to do is walk every morning out in nature and do my Inner Bonding process. I've been walking almost every morning for at least the last 40 years, and doing ... Views: 1216
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Hugs can be romantic or disconnecting, depending on your intent in hugging.
Has the romance gone out of your relationship? Has work and/or parenthood left you no time for romance, connection and intimacy?
A major challenge for parents, especially new parents, is ... Views: 1113
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Do you speak up for your inner child – your feeling self – when someone is judgmental toward you, or they are blaming you or discounting you?
What do you generally do when you are in an interaction with someone and you are feeling anxious, scared or lonely from ... Views: 1077
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Like anything worth learning, developing the habit of loving takes practice. As you practice Inner Bonding, your brain develops the habit of loving.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." ~ Aristotle
All of us develop ... Views: 1251
When a relationship gets to a point where it is no longer working, each person is likely to feel different to how they felt in the beginning. When they spend time in each others company, they could be thinking about how long it will be until their time together will come to an end.
However, ... Views: 1475
Peace in the world starts with ourselves first. When we learn to find inner peace, we can then start to create global peace. Most of us are not able to leave our lives and go become activists or join a movement. However, by setting an example in our communities we can create a ripple effect that ... Views: 1131
One of my all-time favorite teenage book, The Secret Life of Prince Charming by Deb Caletti, imparts many love advice I truly believe in. It is about a 16-year-old girl named Quinn who was surrounded by other people’s heartbreak that made her playing it safe when it comes to love. Prince ... Views: 1719
If someone was asked why they use social media, they may say that it’s because it allows them to stay in touch with their friends. It could be said that this is not much of a surprise, and this is because this is how social media is often portrayed.
One of these sites has even promoted ... Views: 1440
I could write on and on about what you can do, should do, must do, and could do. We have all been frustrated with and in our relationships especially regarding a juicy relationship for couples. I had one of my students write me an entire letter the other day on all the ways she hated everything ... Views: 1496
Dear Dr. Romance:
I like your article "Stupid Cupid" and find that all your down-to-earth questions should be applicable in a daily life of a relationship. I will forward it to my friends. I'm writing you about a guy that I met at my dance class. I ... Views: 1454
Dear Dr. Romance:
I like your article "Stupid Cupid" and find that all your down-to-earth questions should be applicable in a daily life of a relationship. I will forward it to my friends. I'm writing you about a guy that I met at my dance class. I ... Views: 1369
Whether you've already married or might want to be, why not learn an easy way to keep your relationship happy and lifelong?
Regardless of life's ups and downs, if you've chosen your partner well, you can continue to enjoy romance, romance, intimacy, and teamwork. You'll deal with issues ... Views: 1579
Last week I was hurt because of something my husband said to me. I was hurt, but at the same time, he felt frustrated and misunderstood. The evening ended abruptly. For me, it had been a lovely day spent with a good friend. That evening, I sat outside with my husband sharing the goodness that ... Views: 937
When it comes to romantic relationships, what is the most important thing you look for in a person?
Although many will have a different answer, the one thing that tops the list for most people (or at least makes their top 3!) is honesty.
I agree, honesty is very important. It’s one of the most ... Views: 986