The Personality-Happiness Paradox

I was having tea with a friend yesterday morning. We were talking about a transition she is making in her life. She recently left her employer in pursuit of a dream. The problem: she doesn’t know what the dream is. She left one thing to head towards another. The “other” is unknown.

She knew she was unhappy. She knew she had to make a change. The question remains: will she find happiness?

Enter the world of personality theory. Personalities are powerful. It is amazing that one simple aspect of our individual personalities can have such a profound effect on our happiness. Let me explain.

I’m going to describe to you how it works. How your personality type is impacting your happiness, and what you can do to increase your happiness now and for years to come.

This is huge. It is the world’s best kept secret. Once you realize how to manage it, your world will change and happiness will be more present.

What’s an Extravert and Introvert?

Carl Jung, a Swiss psychologist, psychiatrist, and personality theorist, believed that there are two sources of energy for humans, and that we each have a preference towards one or the other. He also believed that all humans are capable of both. He called these two personality preferences Extraversion and Introversion.

Extraverted people gain their energy from external sources – friends, groups of people, TV, movies, parties, theatre, people watching, and anything that creates activity and buzz outside of our personal bodies. Extraverts are action oriented, and will pursue decisions quite readily.

Introverted people gain their energy from within themselves – from their own thoughts and ideas, self-reflection, quiet spaces, a good book, and high quality time with close friends and loved ones. Introverts are more pensive and like to have their personal space preserved.

How does personality play on our respective happiness level?

Happiness is a state of being. It occurs when one knows their true hearts desire, and is consistently acting on it. Happiness requires two skills:

1. Listening to your heart
2. Acting on what your heart wants

Personality plays a pivotal role in both skills. The issue is that each skill lies at the opposite pole of this one specific personality dichotomy: The Extavert/Introvert dimension.

People who prefer introversion are especially adept at listening to their hearts. They have developed, over their lifetime, an innate ability to self-reflect and identify with their own desires.

Extraverts on the other hand seek gratification externally. We spend less time listening to our hearts, and more time acting on anything that catches our attention. I know. I’m an extravert.

So, while extraverts might seem happy, they often are not. They are often unaware of the inner conflict taking place between what their heart wants, and what they are actually doing. Eventually, we become overwhelmed by all the activity in our lives. The disconnect between the activity and our personal passions goes unnoticed until we are forced by health or by stress to begin to look inside ourselves.

Introverts also have it tough. In North America, extraversion is highly valued in business. Offices across the continent are taking down walls, and replacing offices with open work environments. Brainstorming is valued above individual thought and reflection. Extraverts in North America seem to rule the roost, while introverts suffer to tolerate their incessant chattiness and exuberance. Introverts are being forced into environments outside their preference, and are suffering from energy drain that is impeding their fulfillment.

If you think you are the only one suffering, take another look around. There is a pandemic of managers and employees who are struggling at work. Frustrated, resentful, and unhappy.

Bring On Individuation

Jung theorized that people at some point in life will reach a state of individuation, brought upon by some kind of stressor or event that leads an individual to have to explore the other side of the dichotomy in order to find balance and fulfillment in their life.

Some of us know this as the “mid-life crisis”. But it can actually happen at any time in one’s life. It is the time in one’s life when transformation occurs, and the dichotomies of one’s personality begin to merge.

Let’s look at my friend. She has reached a challenge in her life. She is approaching a moment of transformation. When I asked her if she thought she was an extravert, she said “oh, absolutely”. When I started talking to her about listening to her heart and understanding what she really wanted for her life, it was a foreign concept. She looked struck with unfamiliarity.

But, she understood it.

The Keys to Happiness

The key to happiness for extraverts to is learn to behave like introverts. Take some alone time and start to really listen to your thoughts and feelings. This means getting really clear on your values, knowing your purpose, and understanding your passions. It includes creating an awareness of what you truly want in your life. But by doing so internally, rather than looking for it externally.
Extraverts, once they know what they want, are easy manifesters. When you know what you want, and act on it, things start to happen and your happiness increases. Extraverts are action oriented. It can work really well.

The key to happiness for introverts is to learn to behave like extraverts. Introverts know what they love. They are often already clear on their values and their passions. The secret is to act on it more assertively. Once introverts start to go after what they want, they can also become easy manifesters. Setting their intention, and then taking the small steps towards those dreams and aspirations are all that is required.

As I spoke with my friend I explained to her my journey from extraversion, through introversion and back again. She listened with amusement and maybe even a hint of scepticism.

As an extravert, I was wandering aimlessly through life, latching on to one interesting adventure after another, searching for the one that would fill my heart with joy. As my journey proceeded, my happiness seceded. There came a point where I was so desperately sad that I needed to make a change.

Introversion saved me. I started looking inside. I listened to my heart, and realized what I wanted to be, to have, and to do.

Once this was in my consciousness, I relied on my extraversion once again to take the actions necessary to pursue my dreams. I shared my intentions with people. I asked for help. I received it in abundance.

In essence, this is what happiness is. A continual effort at becoming aware of what you truly want, and taking the steps towards it. Happiness forces you to respect both sides of the dichotomy.

When you stay in your comfort zone, your preferred side of the extravert/introvert dichotomy, you experience challenge. When you challenge yourself into the other side, you attract support and happiness.

Will my friend find happiness? I firmly believe she will. So can you.