Independence Day: A Woman's Issue

In reflecting upon our country's Independence Day it occurred to me that we could all probably use our own, personal Independence Day. Not an Independence Day from our countries, our politics or our economics. One that has more to do with our independence from the roles we play every day for everyone else. An Independence Day from the expectations of others.

What expectations of others?

You are so many different things to so many different people. You are a daughter, a wife, a mother, an employee and a friend. Each one of these roles is filled with built in expectations about who you are and how you will behave.

As a daughter you may be labeled rebellious or difficult, mature or level headed, or calm and sensitive. You may be expected to be academically superior or athletically gifted. Maybe you are considered the family glue or the flighty, free spirit. Maybe the expectations of you are entirely different. Maybe so. But I suspect they exist, nonetheless.

As a wife you may be labeled neat or disorganized, a good cook or a bad cook, someone who can take care of the house, or someone who can tear it apart. You may be thought of as supportive and caring, or selfish and self centered.

As a mother you may be expected to provide meals and groceries, clean clothes and toothpaste, and nurturing and caring. Your children may think you know everything or nothing at all. They may expect you to exist for them or be angry that you do.

As a friend you may be labeled as funny or serious, pretty or plain, grumpy or light hearted, fickle or loyal. Your friends may think you are irresponsible or someone they can always count on.

If you think about it you can discover many characteristics that have assigned to you. How often have you displayed them solely because "you were supposed to"?

The labels can be endless. The truth is not. But the point is not what the labels are, the point is, are they you? Some of the expectations from some of the roles you play probably are you. They are who you are intrinsically and who you want to be. But some of the expectations from some of the roles you play are probably NOT you. They are the faces you put on to fulfill the needs of others.

You may have been wearing these faces for so long now that you don't know where your roles end and where you begin. You know you're spending most of your time "being" who you are "expected" to be. But somewhere amongst those expectations you got lost. You may not KNOW who you are anymore and in your quieter moments, that may scare you. Is it hopeless? Can you ever find yourself again? Of course you can! And it's really not that difficult!

Start by paying attention to your actions and your words. If you do, you'll find that sometimes you feel more energized. Other times you feel more fulfilled and occasionally you even feel happier. What are you doing when you feel this way? Where are you? What are you saying? Who are you with? Take the time to discover the answers to these questions because it is when you feel more energized, fulfilled and happy that you come the closest to being who you were meant to be. Get to know THAT person! Then dedicate one whole day to "being" her and no one else. Declare that day YOUR Independence Day!

I have a good friend who recently graduated from college. She's beginning her career and her true step off into life. She is struggling with the same issues we've all faced at one time or another. Besides deciding what it is she really wants to do, she's trying to figure out who she is and what she wants. Someone once gave her some profound advice. They told her:

"Relax. Live your life and keep your eyes on your dreams. Let the rest work itself out along the way."

THAT sounds like a Declaration of Independence to me!