What is the 1st Step

What is the 1st step?

We all experience a number of 1st steps in our lives. Every time we take a new direction, change a plan or complete a goal another 1st step has been made or has to be made.
Decades ago I was involved in a 12 step program called NA or Narcotics Anonymous.
And even though the following statement was often repeated I felt it was not a step to recovery, and usually laughed, when someone would say “Denial is the 1st step”. I would think to myself “Yes being a Queen of Denial might be your first step"!.The 1st step you took along your path of addiction and/or abuse. Yes if your path is destructive then most likely your 1st step was denial which you hold on to firmly as you continue(d) down that path.
But on the path of recovery, the path of constructive behavior, the real 1st step is Acceptance. We can change nothing until we accept that "something" for what it is and look at it’s causes (and effects). I admit is is much easier to live in Denial than to work on Acceptance but the latter brings rewards that are undeniable.
Being born with Bipolar Affective Disorder I lived in denial of my condition until, while on chemo therapy to save my liver, I was diagnosed with the condition. Most of my life I spent trying to hide what I could not deny…that I was powerless. My denial made me powerless to accept my condition and doomed me to cyclically repeat my behaviors and blaming others for my actions. My denial was more destructive than the denial of my addiction to IV drugs. My denial gave me many excuses and reasons not to accept personal responsibility while damaging my work and personal relationships.
Then I changed my path and took that 1st step on the road of acceptance. No longer was I a victim to my own behavior and no longer did I victimize others by blaming them for my actions. With Acceptance I grew to understand that not only am I responsible for my actions but I am freed from seeing myself as a victim and all the emotional garbage that view can entail.
My denial almost destroyed my life through addiction, the subsequent HIV/AIDS I contracted and had I continued on that path it would have ended long ago. Yes Denial is the 1st step along a path of destruction and Acceptance is the 1st step in creating a better life along the path of life. It was 1986 when I was diagnosed HIV with chronic Hepatitis C. That was 24 years ago and I have no spent ½ of my life on AIDS medications, endured 6 months of chemo therapy, had most of my organs affected by those meds and it would be easy to deny what I have done to myself but I choose to accept it and live a fairly constructive life within those limitations I cannot deny anymore.
I have come to realize that I also have Bipolar Affective Disorder (Manic-Depression) and was diagnosed while on the chemo therapy which only makes walking my path of Acceptance a bit harder but will worth the effort. Instead of letting my denial victimize me or others I choose Acceptance so that I can grow beyond my limitations. Could you do the same? Is your path one of construction or destruction? Or are you willing to take a step in the direction of your choice and accept it for what it is…your choice.