Mindfulness: Making Every Moment Count

Our minds seldom allow us to stay in the present. Worry or anticipation pull us into the future, and memories or regrets can leave us stuck in the past. We can learn valuable lessons from the past, and it is important to plan for the future, but it isn’t helpful to dwell too much on either one. While we know that the past is gone and can’t be changed, and that the future is yet to happen, stress and the hectic pace of life can cause us to forget that the present moment is all we ever really have.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is being completely aware of, and engaged in, whatever is happening in the present moment. It is being able to step back and observe our thoughts, feelings, and situations without judgment or comment. Understanding that this moment is all there is allows us to fully enjoy the pleasant experiences, and cope with the unpleasant ones. In mindfulness we learn to interrupt self-defeating thoughts and feelings that keep us from moving forward. When we are mindful we accept whatever is happening without making any judgment about whether it is good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant.

Accepting a situation does not mean that we have to like it or approve of it; and it is important to remember that acceptance does not mean passivity or resignation. Acceptance simply means seeing a situation as it really is, clearly and objectively, so we can act on it without being influenced by our fears, desires, attachments, or past experiences. Accepting a diagnosis of cancer for example, does not mean resigning yourself to dying; it means moving past fear and denial in order to clearly see what you need to do to take care of yourself and get the treatment you need. To accept any situation means to stop wishing that things were different and move on to the next step—doing something to change it or make it better.

Thoughts, Emotions, and Stress

Stress and worry are so distracting that we often go about our day only partially aware of what is going on around us. Stress intensifies our emotions and can make us feel incapable of dealing with even minor challenges. When our emotions become too intense we may try to control them by ignoring or suppressing them. It takes a lot of energy to try to suppress a feeling, and it doesn’t work—trying to keep it buried only makes it stronger and increases our attachment to it. In mindfulness we learn to detach from emotions like anger, worry, sadness, or fear. Detachment does not mean pretending those feelings don’t exist; nor does it mean becoming cold or insensitive. It simply means being able to step back and view our thoughts, feelings, and situations objectively.

It is difficult, and sometimes impossible to try to solve a problem when we are distracted by increasingly intense thoughts and feelings. Our brains actually process information differently when our emotions are running high. When we accept and then let go of negative thoughts and feelings we are able to see a situation clearly and rationally. When we refuse to cling to negative thoughts and emotions they soon dissipate on their own. It can be helpful to say to yourself “this is just a feeling, and it will pass.” Focusing on the present moment keeps us from reacting out of worry or fear and focus instead on working through the problem.

Get the Most Out of Every Moment

Mindfulness allows us to fully participate in our relationships and activities. So much of the time our attention is divided; at work we are thinking about what we will do later at home, and at home we worry about what we need to do at work the next day. When we are mindful we can focus on, and appreciate what is right before us at any given time. Memory and concentration improve when we learn to ignore the mind’s ongoing chatter about what we should be doing, and are able to focus on the things that really matter. When we are mindful we give our undivided attention to whatever we happen to be doing at that particular moment, whether it is writing a report, having a conversation, or teaching a child to ride a bicycle.

The best way to practice being mindful is just to pay attention. Take any ordinary event and slow it down, paying attention to all of the sounds, sights, smells, and textures you experience. Then take that attention and awareness into the next moment. When you find yourself becoming distracted or beginning to worry take 3 deep breaths and refocus on the present moment.

Choose some things that you do often to serve as reminders to be mindful—brushing your teeth, getting into your car, walking from one room to another, or answering the telephone. But don’t to try to force it or think about it too much. One of the paradoxes of mindfulness is that if you are thinking about it, you are no longer living in the moment. Once you have reminded yourself to be mindful, just pay attention to whatever unfolds in front of you.

In mindfulness you come to understand that life is really only a series of moments, one unfolding into the next. Being mindful helps you to remember that pleasant experiences don’t last forever, but neither do painful ones. You experience every moment fully whether you are hugging your child or coping with an illness. When you are mindful, you are not only more capable of dealing effectively with life’s challenges, but also present for life’s joyful moments.