It’s been days since you looked at yourself in the mirror- and your eyes look like a couple of dehydrated prunes. You can smell yourself but you have no plans of taking a bath soon. What’s the point? You feel like dying a little each day, sometimes from the break up, and sometimes from hunger. Your heart feels like its cut up and minced into microscopic bits, and you don’t have a magnifying glass to gather the pieces together again. Are you in this situation right now? Then you are, without doubt, in a bad shape. All is not lost, poor soul, for you have one of two choices: get lost in the indescribable misery and cruelty that this world has done to you, and wallow in the pain of it all while mentally flogging yourself for being stupid.
Or, you can wake up from your catatonic state and do something to help yourself start moving on and get over him/her. Grieving is a process which comes in stages. Knowing what these stages are so you can cut through the chase may be just what you need to get over your loss—fast. The initial stage is denial: This is just a simple misunderstanding. “We love each other so much, this can’t be happening!” Next is anger: “What did I do? After everything that I’ve done for the relationship, this is what I get?” Then you try to plead your case and bargain with your partner, even to yourself: “I swear I’ll be more romantic, just give me another chance and I’ll worship the ground you walk on” When the bargaining doesn’t work its magic, depression settles in.
This is probably where you’re at right now. You are in auto-pilot: you can’t work, sleep, or eat. You can’t drink too-- unless it’s alcohol-- then you start weeping again. And finally, you’ll realize that all the tears and booze won’t change the situation. So, with a final sniffle, you decide to swallow the pain and tell yourself that you are moving on, at last. Knowing these stages is important for a person to fully recover from the loss of a beloved. Losing somebody, especially a romantic partner, can leave a deep void in our life. Once the healing starts, however, most people will realize that the loved one was just a small part of the greater scheme of life.
The love and support of family and friends is the key to getting over the numbing pain of being dumped. Often it is easier to lick your wounds and bleed alone, but having a strong support system is essential. Take time off from work, and talk to friends. Seek comfort and solace from your family – they are the ones who truly know you, and love you even if you smell like stale bread and sour milk. Staying in bed only makes for an opportunity to reminisce the past and for self-pity. Force yourself to get up from those smelly sheets and look at yourself in the mirror.
Go out and smell the fresh air, stop and appreciate the beauty of nature that has managed to stay beautiful in your darkest times. Ease your way back into socializing, but don’t hurry. Take your sweet little time and get to know new people again. A break up may leave painful scars in a person’s life. But these scars can teach us an all-important lesson that we only realize when a relationship comes to a bitter end. When all is said and done, the one love that can really pick us up and bring us back to life is self-love.
Love from family and friends can ease the pain—loving yourself can give you the strength. To move on is not an easy feat, but to pick up the broken pieces of your heart and putting them back together is to truly love yourself.
The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website relazine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.