When Emotional Intimacy and Sexuality Marry

When Emotional Intimacy and Sensuality Marry

Masculine Polarity Meets Feminine Polarity

Oftentimes, people have both emotional intimacy (a feeling of love), and sensuality (a feeling of sexy charge), at the beginning of a relationship but then, it fizzles out as time goes by. Why is that? The biologist in me could drone on about the change in hormones levels of dopa – the one that gives you a drug-like charge as part of the evolutionary drive to reproduce – to oxytocin – the one that helps you to feel cuddly and bonded. But it’s not that simple. We could just excuse it away as “oh, that’s just how our bodies work, just accept it and settle”. Let’s not do that though. Let’s not settle!

We need to understand a bit about how our bodies work -emotionally, bio-chemically, and energetically in order to solve the problem. There is so much information out there on the topic that most people are unaware of.

A big part of the problem stems from lack of education. Our culture pushes the glamor of sex at every turn but has an underlying puritan aversion to giving out honest details on sex and how our bodies work. We are expected to be experts at sex as soon as we hit maturity – without any training or basic information. This sets up a lot of unconscious stress from the get-go.

So, I’m here to give you some straightforward information:
First- let’s look at ways people can do relationship-

* You can have High emotional intimacy with No sexual charge (also called ‘polarity’) = Love with no passion (This is either platonic friendship or what some romantic relationships become – then it’s boring.)

* You can have No emotional intimacy with High sexual charge = lust (which can be fun for a while, right? But, as we all know, if there isn’t an emotional connection, it won’t usually last for years. In this scenario, you can even dislike someone emotionally but be sexually drawn to them.)

* You can have High emotional intimacy and High sexual charge = Passionate love

* You can be somewhere in between these scenarios, because it’s on a scale.

To summarize:

* High emotional intimacy + No sexual charge = Platonic Love/ Passionless Love
* No emotional intimacy + High sexual charge = Lust
* High emotional intimacy + High sexual charge = Passionate love

Since today’s blog is focused on how to maintain High emotional intimacy and High sexual charge = Passionate love,

we’re going to now discuss how to create a higher sexual charge for people in intimate relationships.

(Note – In writing, I use hetero-sexual language in describing couples – however – this process works for same-sex couples or bi-couples too. When I use the terms ‘masculine polarity’ and ‘feminine polarity’ – it doesn’t necessarily have to be a male that is the masculine polarity and a female that is the feminine polarity. But, one person in the couple needs to run the masculine polarity and the other needs to run the feminine polarity for there to be a charge. Everyone has a preferred polarity, find out what yours is. More below.)

You are a battery

Sexual charge in a physical body is a bio-energetic process that you can adjust. To clarify this concept, think of how a simple battery with a positive pole and a negative pole works. Let’s do a simple review of how a battery works:
How a Battery Works

A battery is basically a container full of chemicals that produces negatively-charged elements called electrons, and this process of moving electrons creates power. If you look at any battery, you’ll notice that it has two poles or terminals. One pole is marked (+), or positive, while the other is marked (-), or negative. As an example, look at D cell batteries – the ones used in your flashlight – the ends of the battery are the terminals. In a car battery, there are two heavy lead posts that act as the poles.

Electrons collect on the negative pole of the battery. If you connect a wire between the negative and positive terminals, the electrons will flow from the negative to the positive pole as fast as they can (and wear out the battery very quickly — this also tends to be dangerous, especially with large batteries, so don’t try this with a real battery at home). Normally, you connect some type of ‘load’ to the battery using the wire – for example, a light bulb – then the battery’s energy flow is used constructively to light the bulb or run your car.

­Inside the battery itself, a chemical reaction produces the electrons. Electrons flow from the battery into a wire, and must travel from the negative to the positive pole for the chemical reaction to take place. That is why a battery can sit on a shelf for a year and still have plenty of power — unless electrons are flowing from the negative to the positive pole, the chemical reaction does not take place. This is where we use the analogy for men and women. There is a reason some people say the phrase ‘we didn’t have any chemistry‘ when they are dating. They may have an emotional connection, like common hobbies, but there is literally no charge between them. The chemical reaction did not take place. This is because there is no polarity. Sometimes people are ‘flat’. They need a highly charged masculine pole (just for science’s sake – call this the + end of the battery) and a highly charged feminine pole (the – pole) to build of a charge between them and ‘light’ up.

OK -How do we do that?

1. Masculine energy is about form, structure, and assertion. Feminine energy is about flow, being magnetic, a receiver. Practice these qualities in your daily life. Practice ‘Bouncing’ between them. Practice enhancing them to the nth degree. How would it feel to allow your self to just receive all day? How would it feel to be completely structured and planned all day? Which qualities do you prefer emanating? Since we are whole beings, yin and yang, we have both polarities within us. We have an innate preference to express one pole while being sexual though. The more we can feel the difference between what a masculine pole is and what a feminine pole is, the more we can have conscious control over choosing to amplify and express one pole during sex.

2. Spend some quality time apart – as individuals. When you become too ‘fused’ as a couple, you lose the ability to run charge – you lose your polarity. You need to know who you are as an individual in order to keep polarity as a couple.

3. Celebrate diversity as a couple – there is a reason that phrase ‘Opposites attract’ came into being. Practice being stereotypically ultra-feminine and ultra-masculine in the bedroom one day. Practice it as a game – not as a rigid role you have to play all the time. Remember wholeness is to have options – to know what the receptive pole feels like and what the assertive pole feels like. You choose polarity for your own pleasure.

Here’s a game to play together to illustrate this in a kinesthetic way:

* Get two magnets. Face the South (like) poles towards one another. What happens? They repel each other. Face the opposite poles towards one another. What happens? They attract – they forcefully pull.

4. Start thinking of the person as your lover, not your best friend.

5. Just for men – to be more in the masculine polarity:

* Practice standing as if you were a mountain – feet slightly apart – toes pointing straight ahead – head and spine straight but not rigid. Feel the solidity in your body – how does that feel?
* Spend some time doing ‘masculine’ hobbies – this can be anything, but something to you that feels more masculine. There is a reason those men’s retreats and ‘warrior weekends’ are so popular.
* Spend time doing things that bring you more into your physical body (-we tend to avoid the body in this culture with watching tv and the computer-) . This may sound crazy, but spend 1/2 hour chopping some wood. Notice how you feel.

6. Just for women- to be more in the feminine polarity:

* I’ve made a recording just for you! (Click : http://www.thetemplepriestess.com/events/meet-barbara/ and press the play button on the audio player.)

Blessings to you all! I’d love to hear how this information has helped you.