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Conflict Resolution Articles
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- 20+ TIMES NOT TO SAY ANYTHING - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2017 from Janet PfeifferThere are so many times in our lives when we realize after the fact that it would have been in our best interest to have kept our thoughts to ourselves. Words are powerful and can make matters better or cause damage to others or get us into a whole lot of trouble. There is much wisdom in the old ...
Views: 1846 - ANGER: FIRE OR ICE? - by Submitted on Feb 15, 2017 from Janet PfeifferIt doesn't take much to anger some people. Even the most innocent comments can cause some tempers to flare. Innocuous situations can be misinterpreted leading to screaming matches, cursing, or physical altercations. In an instant, violence can erupt where calm once existed and destruction of ...
Views: 1715 - ALTERNATIVE RESPONSES TO ANGER - by Submitted on Feb 08, 2017 from Janet PfeifferLife doesn't always turn out the way we'd like. When situations take an unfavorable turn, we become upset, frustrated, or angry. When others don't agree with us, live their life the way we think they should, or act in a manner we find disturbing, anger is a typical response. With the exception a ...
Views: 2462 - MAD, SAD, OR GLAD: THE OPTIONS - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2017 from Janet PfeifferWe all get angry from time-to-time. Sometimes our anger is righteous, that is to say it is justifiable and other times without valid cause. For instance, imagine your child is late returning from an evening basketball game. He does not call to let you know that the game went into overtime. ...
Views: 1601 - Can Good Marriages Have Unresolved Conflicts? - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2017 from Marcia Naomi BergerEven in the best marriages, not all conflicts get resolved. According to psychologist John Gottman’s research, 69 percent of problems in marriage do not get solved.[1] His good news is that in good marriages many perpetual issues that are not deal breakers can be managed. It's not the ...
Views: 1492 - Can Prayer Really Help Relationships? - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2017 from Marcia Naomi BergerPersonally, I grew up with no encouragement to pray. I used to have a vague sense that prayer was for simple, naïve folks, that it was the “opiate for the masses.” So I do understand if you don’t relate to the concept. But perhaps you do. Most Americans Pray Daily. According to a Pew ...
Views: 1423 - THE 15 MINUTE CONFLICT RESOLUTION SOLUTION - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2016 from Janet PfeifferI abhor arguing. It's a waste of precious time and energy and robs me of my serenity. Conflict, however, is horse of another color. Conflict occurs daily in each of our lives. It simply means that there is a disagreement, a difference of opinion. My husband and I engage in disputes on a regular ...
Views: 1635 - STICKS AND STONES: DISARMING HURTFUL WORDS - by Submitted on Nov 30, 2016 from Janet PfeifferI used to pride myself on being sensitive. The problem was I was easily hurt by the things other people said to me. I lived in a chronic state of pain which lead to a lifetime of unhappiness and low self-esteem. But the alternative (being cold and aloof) was less appealing so I resigned myself ...
Views: 1662 - Ten Tips For Arguing Wtih An Idiot - by Submitted on Nov 23, 2016 from Janet Pfeiffer"Idiots" are simply people like you and I who are struggling with unresolved personal issues ranging from low self-esteem to ego, insecurity to poor impulse control and more. While it is acceptable to regard the behavior as idiotic, it is never permissible to label the individual as such. People ...
Views: 1513(1 vote) - The BLAME Game - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhen something goes wrong in your life, who do you blame? “I’m in so much debt because the economy is bad and everything is so expensive. It’s not my fault” “My mother always criticized me when I was a child. That’s why I suffer from low self esteem and make so many bad choices.” Sadly, ...
Views: 1635 - HEALING THE DIVIDE - by Submitted on Nov 10, 2016 from William CottringerHEALING THE DIVIDE By Bill Cottringer “The belief that there is only one truth, and that oneself is in possession of it, is the root of all evil in the world.” ~Max Born. Last Month, I published an article in Security Management magazine, entitled “The Two-Way Manager.” This ...
Views: 1346 - A NIGHT AT THE RACES - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhen I was younger I must have fallen asleep for twenty years like Rip Van Winkle. Then when I awoke, somewhere in adulthood, I noticed a most unusual evolving phenomenon: in a world where only two distinct races existed (black and white) there were now Hispanics, Asians, Latinos, and others. ...
Views: 1317 - The Communication Clean-Up Campaign - by Submitted on Nov 08, 2016 from Kelley KosowWell, we are finally here...Election Day! Normally I would make some comment about how "tomorrow we will wake up and there will be a new president." Yet, since nothing has been normal about this election, who knows what tomorrow will bring and what the status of the election not to mention the ...
Views: 1002 - L~A~V~S~S METHOD: 5 KEYS TO RESOLVE CONFLICT - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2016 from Janet PfeifferKeeping our disagreements from becoming full-blown fights can be challenging. Many times, we're so passionate about our beliefs or what we want to do that any form of opposition causes us to become frustrated and angry. We may prefer that others simply agree with our position or if they don't to ...
Views: 1660 - WHEN ANGER MANAGEMENT DOESN'T WORK - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2016 from Janet PfeifferI've been teaching anger management and conflict resolution for nearly a quarter of a century. What makes me so successful in my work is that I do not lecture on any subject matter that I haven't personally experienced and mastered. In that regard, people find me authentic and know that if I've ...
Views: 1391 - Anger: The Bigger Picture - by Submitted on Oct 12, 2016 from Janet PfeifferHave you ever found yourself in a situation that was somewhat confusing, uncomfortable or perhaps even dangerous? Sometimes it's hard to understand why things happen or why we must participate in particular activities. We don't often understand why certain people enter our lives or why they ...
Views: 1312 - ANGER AND POWER: THE CONNECTION - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWe all seek to be powerful. I'm not speaking necessarily about having authority over others but we certainly want to have control over our own lives. Yet even the most well-intentioned, enlightened person wants to control a particular situation or individual at times. Certainly, parents impose ...
Views: 1325 - RIOTING IN N. CAROLINA - by Submitted on Sep 28, 2016 from Janet PfeifferRecently a 43 year old man and father of seven, Keith Lamont Scott, was killed by police in Charlotte, NC. As is often the case, there are conflicting reports as to what actually happened. Currently, an investigation by a separate state agency is taking place to determine if this shooting was ...
Views: 1209 - DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE USING C~U~R~B~APPEAL - by Submitted on Sep 21, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWe all have challenging people in our lives yet unfortunately few of us have been properly trained in how to effectively deal with them. Well, that's going to change today. In no particular order, using the an acronym "C~U~R~B Appeal", you will learn tips that will better enable you to get ...
Views: 1845 - Separated Parents: It’s not Quantum of Time, but Quality of Relationship - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldIf you get hung up on the quantum of time, you may lose sight of the quality of your relationship now and for the future. At the end of the day some separated parents fight tooth and nail over how the children’s time will be divvied up between them. Children are even drawn into the dispute, ...
Views: 1202(1 vote) - 4 Tips to Resist the Fight on the Way to the Negotiating Table - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldYou finally recognize that your adversarial battle isn’t resolving your dispute. You’re draining your resources both financially and emotionally. You don’t believe your former partner would ever negotiate a truce, let alone a settlement. Mediation is discussed and one person says they’ll go but ...
Views: 1242 - 5 Tips to Manage at the Negotiating Table - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldYour behavior, how you conduct yourself at the negotiating table can work for you or against you. Remember, this is a negotiating table, not a court of law or arbitrator’s office. In negotiating, there is little to prove and all to negotiate. Negotiation is about how to move forward, not ...
Views: 1170 - Getting Through the 6 Stages of Mediation - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldMediation is not a single event, not a one-time meeting where magically issues are resolved. No. Mediation is a process that occurs with very predictable steps. Understanding these steps to the process can help you manage through the process. Separated parents entering mediation may meet ...
Views: 1214 - Dealing with a High Conflict Personality? Three goals for survival… - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2016 from Gary DirenfeldDo you have a partner, a colleague, a friend, a loved one where everything is a challenge and every conversation becomes a competition; where if they don’t get their way, there is hell to pay; where they are relentless in their pursuit; where somehow or other they are always right; where if they ...
Views: 1248 - Transitions: The 3rd Inevitability (in addition to death and taxes!) - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2016 from Suzanne St. John SmithOver the years, I’ve discovered there are few among us who embrace transitions. I’m not one of them. Just ask my husband. For perhaps the first ten years of our lives together, when we vacationed overseas (before the aid of the Internet to illustrate the sort of place we were headed to), ...
Views: 1111 - Narcissist's Frustrating, Negativistic, and Passive-Aggressive Behaviors - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2016 from Sam VakninFrustrating one's nearest and dearest has the dual "advantage" of simultaneously satisfying the narcissist's masochistic and sadistic urges. By withholding love, sex, intimacy, and the fulfillment of other people's desires and needs, the narcissist torments them even as he obstructs his own ...
Views: 2858 - LIVING IN THE PAST HAS IT'S PERKS - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2016 from Janet PfeifferI think the majority of people would agree that it's unhealthy to live in the past. After all, we're all familiar with the new age philosophy, "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, That's why it's called the Present". Living in the past holds us back from being able to ...
Views: 1228 - The Anger Exchange: Give Up These 7 to Gain This Instead - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2016 from Janet PfeifferIf you've read my book, The Secret Side o f Anger, or attended one of my lectures on the topic, you know that while there are thousands of events that can trigger anger, there are actually only three root causes: hurt, fear, and frustration. In any given circumstance, you can trace anger back to ...
Views: 1317 - Anger and the 2 "F" Words - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2016 from Janet PfeifferNo, I'm not speaking about that "F" word. I'm going to address two different words beginning with the letter "f" and how they influence the decisions we make, our responses in any given situation, and how the outcome adds to or subtracts from our happiness and/or contributes to our anger. Those ...
Views: 1441 - Anger: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2016 from Janet PfeifferAs a child I was taught that anger was a bad emotion but I've have since come to understand that there are no bad feelings. All emotions have purpose and value as they teach us about ourselves based on how we react to external events. We assign value to each depending on how people act them out. ...
Views: 1616 - 10 Tips to Diffuse a Volatile Situation - by Submitted on Jul 20, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWe are living in a very volatile and dangerous age. Not only have issues of domestic violence, child and animal abuse, anger in the workplace and so on been more apparent, but we are definitely witnessing a rise of violence within our communities. Gangs and individual assaults seem to be taking ...
Views: 3319 - Problems making you sweat – Time to switch on the AC! - by Submitted on Jul 13, 2016 from Rupa ShendeEver had a problem in life? It feels like you are dancing on fire, doesn’t it? A problem is a problem – small or big does not matter. A problem results in unpleasantness in life. It comes in way of our joy. For those who have multiple problems; unpleasantness seems to become a way of life. ...
Views: 900 - Hillary Movie Banned from Theaters--What Are We Hiding--the Truth Makes us Free (Bible Quote) - by Submitted on Jun 23, 2016 from Richard RuhlingWe are not afraid to trust the American people with unpleasant facts and competitive values. A nation that's afraid to let its people judge the truth versus falsehood in the open, is a nation that's afraid of its people---John F. Kennedy A Hillary Clinton movie was blocked from being shown in ...
Views: 1032 - "AR You Ready to Reduce Anger in Your Relationships?" - by Submitted on Jun 15, 2016 from Janet PfeifferRelationships are the most challenging aspect of life whether personal, professional, casual or intimate. Even with those we love deeply, such as family members, getting along can prove challenging. Consider this: more than half of all American families are estranged from one another due in part ...
Views: 1388 - An In-Depth Look at Anger - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2016 from Janet PfeifferAccording to psychologist Charles Speilberger, Ph.D who specializes in the study of anger, “Anger is an emotional state that varies from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. It's accompanied by physiological, psychological and biological changes. When you get angry, your heart rate and ...
Views: 1205 - Anger: Incident or Issue? - by Submitted on May 18, 2016 from Janet PfeifferIn the years that I facilitated my support group for estranged families, I primarily worked with older parents whose adult children had severed their relationship with them. The parents were perplexed: "I was a good parent", they declared. "I gave my children the best of everything. There is no ...
Views: 1466 - Lose Your Temper For Good! - by Submitted on May 11, 2016 from Janet PfeifferI've had many clients over the years request my help in teaching them how to control their tempers. "I lose my temper and afterwards feel terrible. I don't want to do this anymore. I need to learn how to control my temper." My response to them is this, "If you lose your keys you seek to find ...
Views: 1378(1 vote) - ***MicroAgressions - by Submitted on May 07, 2016 from Martha LasleyExcerpt from Coaching for Transformation Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety. And at such a moment, unable to see and not daring to imagine what the future will now bring forth, one clings ...
Views: 8370(1 vote) - Finding Courage in Surrendering - by Submitted on May 05, 2016 from Andrea Ryan ProfaciFinding Courage in Surrendering Please allow me to start this post by saying that I am looking forward to the day that we as individuals can begin to accept, as well as seek to understand, all of what people say to us. It is quite common that we are quick to align with and apt to indulge ...
Views: 1171 - 14 Common Reasons We Get Angry and Their Solutions - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhile conducting research for today's show, I found fourteen of the most common reasons people get angry. Keep in mind, these are only the triggers. Outside circumstances are never the actual cause. There are three root causes - hurt, fear, and frustration - that prompt anger in us. Let's ...
Views: 1656 - 14 Common Reasons We Get Angry and Their Solutions - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhile conducting research for today's show, I found fourteen of the most common reasons people get angry. Keep in mind, these are only the triggers. Outside circumstances are never the actual cause. There are three root causes - hurt, fear, and frustration - that prompt anger in us. Let's ...
Views: 1543 - Winning Arguments Through Non-Resistance - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhen disagreements arise there is always the possibility that they will escalate into an argument or fight. The very nature of dissension triggers feelings of uneasiness in the average person. Most of us struggle with some degree of insecurity. Contradictory ideas, needs, beliefs, ways of doing ...
Views: 1790 - Winning Arguments Through Non-Resistance - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWhen disagreements arise there is always the possibility that they will escalate into an argument or fight. The very nature of dissension triggers feelings of uneasiness in the average person. Most of us struggle with some degree of insecurity. Contradictory ideas, needs, beliefs, ways of doing ...
Views: 1791 - D~U~C~A~P Method of Dealing With a Difficult Person - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2016 from Janet PfeifferWe could all use a few suggestions for dealing with those difficult coworkers, obnoxious family members, or challenging neighbors that find their way into our lives. Some really know how to push our buttons and bring out the worst in us; others are stubborn or opinionated; still others can be ...
Views: 1585 - Addressing the Primary Sources of Conflict - by Submitted on Mar 30, 2016 from Janet PfeifferConflict is a normal, healthy, and useful part of life. At its simplest, it means there is a disagreement or difference of opinion between two or more individuals. In life we can identify two types of conflict: internal and external. Internal conflict, the root issue causing discomfort and the ...
Views: 1492 - More Advantageous Than Anger - by Submitted on Mar 30, 2016 from Janet PfeifferAnger is a very powerful emotion which many conclude is a bad feeling. Whether one chooses to use it in a constructive manner or in a hostile way, it carries a lot of punch (figuratively speaking, of course). As you become angry your body's muscles tense up. Inside your brain, neurotransmitter ...
Views: 1311 - Ouch! Best Responses to a Difficult Person - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2016 from Marcia Naomi BergerIs there a difficult person in your life? ll of us are likely to know someone who "pushes our buttons." The person could be almost anyone -- a spouse, in-law, other relative, friend, coworker, boss--or even (gasp!) our self! Which reminds me of what Rabbi Joseph Richards said: "People are ...
Views: 2160 - Bully Politicians and What We Must Learn From Them - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2016 from Janet PfeifferIf you've been following the presidential debates, you are well aware of the bullying behaviors of some of our candidates. Gone are the days when politicians debated national and global issues. Shockingly, but not surprisingly, the debates have mutated into verbal warfare against each opponent. ...
Views: 1314 - Moving Beyond the Playground: A Healthy Approach to Female Conflicts - by Submitted on Mar 02, 2016 from Suzanne St. John SmithFor many women, their female friendships have been a source of comfort, support, laughter, and joy. For others, they have been mired in betrayal, mean-spiritedness, and competition. But for most of us, they’ve been a combination of these two extremes, and typically, even before we reach ...
Views: 1209 - Your Best Defense Against Anger - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2016 from Janet PfeifferCheck out Webster's dictionary. Anger is defined as "a feeling of discomfort or displeasure brought about by feelings of helplessness and powerlessness." My personal definition of a victim is one who views themselves as having no power or authority. Many times, a victim will claim that in a ...
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