World of words

What was common between Hitler and Gandhi?
The power of the spoken word.
One used it to create destruction and the other peace…successfully.
Such is the authority of words.

Words can cause great happiness. They can lighten a heart, lessen its pain, brighten a day, encourage, or just go a long way in making our lives more complete.

Unfortunately, they can cause dire pain too. Ever so often, we have been witness to our conversations doing a volte-face and going downhill to arrive at an ugly mess of words, leaving us sometimes aghast, often furious and almost always despondent.

Words hold immense power and to wield this power is to control our destiny. We discover along the way that the secret of ‘word power’ lies in expressing them consciously, carefully and compassionately.

If you were to reflect on some pleasurably memorable exchanges, you would describe them as being pleasing and meaningful. They may have left you with a ‘feel good’ impression.

Fact is, when we talk we are actually allowing the other person a glimpse into our hearts and our minds. So our conversations and thoughts need to portray us precisely. Since no one knows us like we do, who better to speak for us, but us? This brings, as a gift to us, acceptance and validation.

What are meaningful conversations?

From mundane topics to important issues, everybody has a notion, suggestion or reflection to voice. The repercussions of not giving the other individual a chance to give voice to these result in total disengagement during communication. Also, there is disconnect in the dialogue, if we don’t pay attention, or (rudely) butt into the conversation, or worse, bring the focus towards I, Me and Myself. This causes a rift in the conversation and puts both of you on a totally different page – both of you are now talking about a completely different thing. The disgruntled feeling is mutual and misunderstandings take root.

For a camaraderie to develop, it is indeed imperative to become conscious of HOW and WHAT we say to each other. A prerequisite of a meaningful conversation is our tone. The volume and modulation is in our control and we should modulate it sensitively. Nobody, enjoys being at the receiving end of a pitch that aims to intimidate.

The second essential is that we look and listen. The world does not revolve around us, our thoughts and our views alone. Just as we need to be interesting, we need to be interested in what is being conveyed to us. The rule of the thumb is: if you want to be included in other people’s conversations and lives (or vice-versa), eye contact and being all ears will take you a long way and fast.

Eye contact during conversation shows a focus which is flattering to the speaker, and a listening ear ensures you miss nothing and all human beings thrive in such centred attention. It makes us feel important. But please remember that eye contact is a form of nonverbal communication, and is absolutely different from “glaring”!

The third vital requirement is to disagree amiably. Say “NAY” if you want to, but do be agreeable as you voice it. Agreeing to disagree is perfectly acceptable, if that’s what it comes to.

The fourth cardinal rule is being optimistic and encouraging as we exchange words. This can be a tough one to implement. Remember, there is nothing more off-putting than conversing with a person carrying the banner of self congratulatory cynicism! Such people can boast of being critical,
unenthusiastic, arrogant and well, total wet blankets! Some extreme versions are completely thoughtless in their pursuit of being determinedly vainglorious!

Lastly, let’s simmer down our reactions. In short, mean what you say, and say what you mean. Exaggerated reactions can be misleading.

As you journey into the meandering world of words, do carry these thoughts with you. The trick is to hold sway over the words and to not let these mercurial ‘creatures’ run away with you…for they do have a life of their own!

To create and appreciate meaningful conversations is an art, its finest element being anyone can be a connoisseur!