Self Improvement Site
On The Internet! Take the Self Improvement Tour
On The Internet! Take the Self Improvement Tour
Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Where Does It Hurt? - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2017 from Rick HansonWe're usually aware of our own suffering, which - broadly defined - includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and ...
Views: 921 - What Puts People at Ease? - by Submitted on Sep 21, 2015 from Rick HansonWe evolved to be afraid. The ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their ...
Views: 919 - What Doesn't Change? - by Submitted on May 22, 2017 from Rick HansonThings keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it's all gone, you're mad about something for awhile and then get over it, consciousness ...
Views: 918 - What Would Make a Difference Inside You? - by Submitted on Jun 27, 2016 from Rick HansonWe all have issues - including demands upon us, stresses, illnesses, losses, vulnerabilities, and pain. (As Alan Watts put it: "Life is wiggly.") Of course, many of our issues - in the broad sense I'm using the word here - are related to important sources of fulfillment, such as starting a ...
Views: 917 - What do you notice in people? - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2015 from Rick HansonMany interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ...
Views: 914 - What's in Your Mind? - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2016 from Rick HansonIt's kind of amazing: right now, what you think and feel, enjoy and suffer, is changing your brain. The brain is the organ that learns, designed by evolution to be changed by our experiences: what scientists call experience-dependent neuroplasticity. Neurons that fire together, wire together. ...
Views: 914 - Is It Worth It? - by Submitted on May 14, 2018 from Rick HansonLife is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs. Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair of ...
Views: 912 - What Do You Need? - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2015 from Rick HansonI usually describe a practice as something to do: get on your own side, see the being behind the eyes, take in the good, etc. This practice is different: it's something to recognize. From this recognition, appropriate action will follow. Let me explain. Some years ago I was invited to give a ...
Views: 910 - What Makes Your Life? - by Submitted on May 01, 2017 from Rick HansonWant to try a little experiment? Stop breathing. Really. For a few seconds, maybe a few dozen seconds, and see how it feels. For me, this experiment is an intimate way to experience a deep truth, that we live dependently, relying on 10,000 things for physical survival, happiness, love, and ...
Views: 909 - Who’s Left Off Your Gift List? - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2017 from Rick HansonCan you remember a time when you offered a gift to someone? Perhaps a holiday present, or a treat to a child, or taking time for a friend – or anything at all. How did this feel? Researchers have found that giving stimulates the same neural networks that light up when we feel physical pleasure, ...
Views: 907 - What Can I Do? - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2017 from Rick HansonI'm doing a series on my personal top five practices (all tied for first place), and have so far named three: meditate (including mindfulness, self-awareness, and, if you like, prayer), take in the good, and bless (including compassion, generosity, and love). I saw one way to bless on a ...
Views: 906 - What Would Bear Lots Of Fruit? - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2016 from Rick HansonMy wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key ...
Views: 903 - What's Up With These people? - by Submitted on Apr 17, 2017 from Rick HansonResearch shows that relationships are built from interactions, and interactions are built from moments. A critical moment in an interaction is when one person wants something from the other one. ("Wants" include wishes, needs, desires, hopes, and longings.) The want could be simple and concrete, ...
Views: 900 - Who is Behind the Mask? - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2017 from Rick HansonMost of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings, and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time ...
Views: 896 - What's in Your Heart to Say? - by Submitted on Sep 28, 2015 from Rick HansonIt's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ...
Views: 894 - Who Do You Argue With? - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2015 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 893 - What Are You Bracing Against? - by Submitted on Dec 13, 2016 from Rick HansonThe title of this practice is a little tongue-in-cheek. What I mean is, most of us - me included - spend time worrying about criticism: past, present, and even future. Yes, try hard, keep agreements, "don't be evil," etc. But sooner or later - usually sooner - someone is going to point out the ...
Views: 892 - What Does Your Heart Say? - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2016 from Rick HansonMany years ago, I was in a significant relationship in which the other person started doing things that surprised and hurt me. I'll preserve the privacy here so I won't be concrete, but it was pretty intense. After going through the first wave of reactions - What?! How could you? Are you kidding ...
Views: 890 - What's Carrying You? - by Submitted on Dec 20, 2016 from Rick HansonFeeling both the world and myself these days, one phrase keeps calling: lived by love. Explicitly, this means coming from love in a broad sense, from compassion, good intentions, self-control, warmth, finding what's to like, caring, connecting, and kindness. Implicitly, and more ...
Views: 879 - Who Do You Trust? - by Submitted on Jul 31, 2017 from Rick HansonAs I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself - my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable. Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, ...
Views: 869 - Wake Up To Good News - by Submitted on Feb 18, 2019 from Rick Hanson"Tell the truth." It's the foundation of science, ethics, and relationships. But we have a brain that evolved to tell lies to help us survive. As I've written before, over several hundred million years our ancestors: Had to avoid two kinds of mistakes: thinking there's a tiger in the ...
Views: 711 - Ask Questions - by Submitted on Jul 13, 2020 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 684 - Try Being Less Serious - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2020 from Rick HansonOn the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ...
Views: 633 - Admit Fault and Move On - by Submitted on May 03, 2021 from Rick HansonHave you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight. Recall a time someone mistreated you, let you down, dropped the ball, made an error, spoke ...
Views: 609 - Avoid The Rush - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2021 from Rick HansonAs I was meditating one morning, our cat hopped up onto my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet - even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the ...
Views: 523 - Meditate - by Submitted on Nov 15, 2021 from Rick HansonMeditation is to the mind what aerobic exercise is to the body. Like exercise, there are many good ways to do it, and you can find the one that suits you best. Studies have shown that regular meditation promotes mindfulness (sustained observing awareness), whose benefits include decreased ...
Views: 516 - Enjoy Four Kinds of Peace - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2022 from Rick Hanson“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace. Not a peace inside that ignores pain in oneself or others or is acquired by shutting down. This is a durable peace, a ...
Views: 502 - Your Body - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2021 from Rick HansonAs a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around. This approach helped me soldier through some tough times. But there were costs. Many pleasures were numbed, ...
Views: 481 - Water Your Fruit Tree - by Submitted on Mar 29, 2022 from Rick HansonMy wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key ...
Views: 460 - Be Friendly - by Submitted on Dec 12, 2022 from Rick HansonFriendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, ...
Views: 417 - Stay Right When You're Wronged - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2023 from Rick HansonOthers will do whatever they do, and realistically, sometimes, it may not be that great. Many people disappoint: They’ve got a million things swirling around in their head, life’s been tough, there were issues in their childhood, their ethics are fuzzy, their thinking is clouded, their heart is ...
Views: 407 - Feel Cared About - by Submitted on Jan 02, 2023 from Rick HansonEveryone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy. On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, at one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t ...
Views: 397 - Love What Is Real - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2022 from Rick HansonBecause this practice could seem so abstract or so obvious that it’s not worth doing, I am going to take longer than usual to explain why it’s so important. As I grew up, my family and schools felt like shaky ground. I didn’t understand why my parents and many kids reacted the way they did, ...
Views: 397 - Receive Faces - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2023 from Rick Hanson[Note: this practice involves our visual system, which for many people is impaired. If this is the case for you, you could adapt my suggestions to focus on the voices of others or a sense of their “energy.”] As our ancestors evolved over millions of years in small bands, continually ...
Views: 388 - Ask Questions - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2023 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking aloud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 387 - Speak Truly - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon) since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ...
Views: 385 - Tune Into Others - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2022 from Rick HansonImagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without ...
Views: 384 - Embrace Fragility - by Submitted on May 29, 2023 from Rick HansonThe truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles and many parts. One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father. Another part of the truth is that things bruise, tear, erode, ...
Views: 383 - Speak From The Heart - by Submitted on Dec 26, 2022 from Rick HansonOne Christmas, I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado River. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving ...
Views: 383 - See the Good in Others - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2023 from Rick HansonMany interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, or via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ...
Views: 379 - See the Person Behind the Eyes - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2022 from Rick HansonMost of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time to ...
Views: 379 - Speak Wisely - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2023 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 377 - Says Thanks - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2023 from Rick HansonWhat do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, or an encouraging word. You probably feel seen, and appreciated, and that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really ...
Views: 376 - Trust In Love - by Submitted on May 02, 2023 from Rick HansonTake a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green-growing things. You can't see the air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around ...
Views: 374 - Minimize Painful Experiences - by Submitted on Apr 03, 2023 from Rick HansonPainful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time. But is there really any shortage of ...
Views: 372 - Don't Quarrel - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 370 - Drop The Case - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2023 from Rick HansonLately, I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that ...
Views: 370 - See Progress - by Submitted on May 15, 2023 from Rick HansonThere are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there’s more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet. But if you don’t recognize what’s improving in your own life, then ...
Views: 370 - Don't Rain On The Parade - by Submitted on Apr 24, 2023 from Rick HansonLet's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, the thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. ...
Views: 367 - Keep Your Eyes on the Prize - by Submitted on Feb 20, 2023 from Rick HansonHave you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right, this minute? The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ...
Views: 366