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Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Receive Generosity - by Submitted on Apr 17, 2023 from Rick HansonLife gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, ...
Views: 330 - Speak Wisely - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2023 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 377 - Minimize Painful Experiences - by Submitted on Apr 03, 2023 from Rick HansonPainful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time. But is there really any shortage of ...
Views: 372 - Don't Be Intimidated - by Submitted on Mar 27, 2023 from Rick HansonHumans evolved to be fearful since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” This vulnerability to feeling threatened has effects at many levels, ranging from ...
Views: 354 - Don't Quarrel - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 370 - Forgive - by Submitted on Mar 13, 2023 from Rick HansonForgiveness is a tricky topic. First, it has two distinct meanings: To give up resentment or anger To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let ...
Views: 359 - Says Thanks - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2023 from Rick HansonWhat do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, or an encouraging word. You probably feel seen, and appreciated, and that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really ...
Views: 376 - Speak Truly - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon) since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ...
Views: 385 - Keep Your Eyes on the Prize - by Submitted on Feb 20, 2023 from Rick HansonHave you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right, this minute? The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ...
Views: 366 - Give No One Cause To Fear - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2023 from Rick HansonThe ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their great-grandchildren, sitting ...
Views: 352 - Put No One Out of Your Heart - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2023 from Rick HansonWe all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who have you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right ...
Views: 351 - Try a Softer Tone - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2023 from Rick HansonLinguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements: Explicit content – “There is no milk in the refrigerator.” Emotional subtext – Could be irritation, blame, accusation An implicit statement about the nature of the relationship – Could be one ...
Views: 364 - See the Good in Others - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2023 from Rick HansonMany interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, or via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ...
Views: 379 - Ask Questions - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2023 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking aloud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 387 - Stay Right When You're Wronged - by Submitted on Jan 09, 2023 from Rick HansonOthers will do whatever they do, and realistically, sometimes, it may not be that great. Many people disappoint: They’ve got a million things swirling around in their head, life’s been tough, there were issues in their childhood, their ethics are fuzzy, their thinking is clouded, their heart is ...
Views: 407 - Feel Cared About - by Submitted on Jan 02, 2023 from Rick HansonEveryone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy. On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, at one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t ...
Views: 397 - Speak From The Heart - by Submitted on Dec 26, 2022 from Rick HansonOne Christmas, I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado River. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving ...
Views: 383 - Tune Into Others - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2022 from Rick HansonImagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without ...
Views: 384 - Be Friendly - by Submitted on Dec 12, 2022 from Rick HansonFriendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, ...
Views: 417 - See the Person Behind the Eyes - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2022 from Rick HansonMost of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time to ...
Views: 379 - Love What Is Real - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2022 from Rick HansonBecause this practice could seem so abstract or so obvious that it’s not worth doing, I am going to take longer than usual to explain why it’s so important. As I grew up, my family and schools felt like shaky ground. I didn’t understand why my parents and many kids reacted the way they did, ...
Views: 397 - Water Your Fruit Tree - by Submitted on Mar 29, 2022 from Rick HansonMy wife and kids tease me that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like a plant in dry stony ground. Looking to the year ahead for you - a year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key ...
Views: 460 - Enjoy Four Kinds of Peace - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2022 from Rick Hanson“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace. Not a peace inside that ignores pain in oneself or others or is acquired by shutting down. This is a durable peace, a ...
Views: 502 - Meditate - by Submitted on Nov 15, 2021 from Rick HansonMeditation is to the mind what aerobic exercise is to the body. Like exercise, there are many good ways to do it, and you can find the one that suits you best. Studies have shown that regular meditation promotes mindfulness (sustained observing awareness), whose benefits include decreased ...
Views: 516 - Avoid The Rush - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2021 from Rick HansonAs I was meditating one morning, our cat hopped up onto my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet - even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the ...
Views: 523 - Admit Fault and Move On - by Submitted on May 03, 2021 from Rick HansonHave you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight. Recall a time someone mistreated you, let you down, dropped the ball, made an error, spoke ...
Views: 609 - Your Body - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2021 from Rick HansonAs a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around. This approach helped me soldier through some tough times. But there were costs. Many pleasures were numbed, ...
Views: 481 - Try Being Less Serious - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2020 from Rick HansonOn the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ...
Views: 633 - Ask Questions - by Submitted on Jul 13, 2020 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 684 - Wake Up To Good News - by Submitted on Feb 18, 2019 from Rick Hanson"Tell the truth." It's the foundation of science, ethics, and relationships. But we have a brain that evolved to tell lies to help us survive. As I've written before, over several hundred million years our ancestors: Had to avoid two kinds of mistakes: thinking there's a tiger in the ...
Views: 711 - Is It Worth It? - by Submitted on May 14, 2018 from Rick HansonLife is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs. Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair of ...
Views: 912 - Do You Accept The Gift? - by Submitted on Mar 26, 2018 from Rick HansonLife gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, ...
Views: 1063(1 vote) - Are You Feeling Unneeded Pain? - by Submitted on Mar 19, 2018 from Rick HansonPainful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time. But is there really any shortage of ...
Views: 1138 - What Are You Saying? - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2018 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 1003 - What Do You Do When The Bottom Falls Out? - by Submitted on Jan 15, 2018 from Rick HansonIt takes heart to live in even ordinary times. By "taking heart," I mean several related things: Sensing your heart and chest Finding encouragement in what is good both around you and inside you Resting in your own warmth, compassion, and kindness; resting in the caring for ...
Views: 999 - There's Been Mistreatment or Injustice - Now What? - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2017 from Rick HansonIt’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. (Much of what I say here applies to concerns about injustice or mistreatment that threatens or happens to others, from someone bullying a child to an oppressive government, but I will focus on ...
Views: 968 - Speak From Your Heart. - by Submitted on Nov 13, 2017 from Rick HansonOne Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually ...
Views: 1038 - Do You Care? - by Submitted on Oct 23, 2017 from Rick HansonCompassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), ...
Views: 1001 - Where Does It Hurt? - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2017 from Rick HansonWe're usually aware of our own suffering, which - broadly defined - includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and ...
Views: 921 - Who is Behind the Mask? - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2017 from Rick HansonMost of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings, and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time ...
Views: 896 - Who Do You Trust? - by Submitted on Jul 31, 2017 from Rick HansonAs I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself - my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable. Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, ...
Views: 869 - What Do Others Want? - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2017 from Rick HansonHustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop's refrigerator, a man was bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he'd put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying "This one is cold." ...
Views: 1011 - Can You Be With The Whole Of Your Psyche? - by Submitted on Jul 11, 2017 from Rick HansonWhen you're young, the territory of the psyche is like a vast estate, with rolling hills, forests and plains, swamps and meadows. So many things can be experienced, expressed, wanted, and loved. But as life goes along, most people pull back from major parts of their psyche. Perhaps a swamp of ...
Views: 1128 - Did You Truly Choose This Path? - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2017 from Rick HansonThe human body has about 100 trillion cells (plus another ten quadrillion microscopic critters hitching a ride, most of them beneficial or harmless). Each one of your cells has aims - goals, in a sense - controlled by its DNA: cells conduct processes aimed at particular functions, like building ...
Views: 1050 - Are You Exaggerating Sticks While Downplaying Carrots? - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2017 from Rick Hanson"Tell the truth." It's the foundation of science, ethics, and relationships. But we have a brain that evolved to tell lies to help us survive. As I've written before, over several hundred million years our ancestors: Had to avoid two kinds of mistakes: thinking there's a tiger in the ...
Views: 1130 - What Are You Fighting? - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2017 from Rick HansonBy "war" I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a ...
Views: 990 - Is It Really True? - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2017 from Rick HansonOne time I watched a three-year-old at her birthday party. Her friends were there from preschool, and she received lots of presents. The cake came out, she admired the pink frosting rose at its center, and everyone sang. One of the moms cut pieces and without thinking sliced right through the ...
Views: 949 - What Can You Do When Nothing Is Working? - by Submitted on May 29, 2017 from Rick HansonIn response to a previous JOT - Find Stillness - a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, reminded me that sometimes a person just can't find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain, or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the ...
Views: 982 - What Doesn't Change? - by Submitted on May 22, 2017 from Rick HansonThings keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it's all gone, you're mad about something for awhile and then get over it, consciousness ...
Views: 918 - When Is It “Time To Fold ‘em?” - by Submitted on May 15, 2017 from Rick HansonMost people, me included, are holding onto at least one thing way past its expiration date. It could be a belief, perhaps that your hair is falling out and you are ugly and unlovable as a result, that you can’t say what you really feel in an intimate relationship, or that you must lose ten ...
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