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Articles from Judy Ringer | Selfgrowth.com
- Discovery On An Icy Bridge - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2008 from Judy Ringer"… the impossible challenges of life are the best teachers." – Amy Mindell, Metaskills Driving home late one night during the first snow of the season, I hit a patch of ice on a slippery bridge and collided with the barrier that separates the bridge from the air and the water. I careened off ...
Views: 682 - When Things Don't Go Well – Find Your Positive Intention - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2008 from Judy RingerMy friend was going through a difficult divorce. In an evening phone conversation I asked a question, wanting to help, and immediately realized I'd said exactly the wrong thing. I'd unintentionally made my friend feel like the last ally she had in the world was also against her. I took my ...
Views: 1617 - Framing Your Message - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2008 from Judy RingerIn a difficult conversation when I want to get my point across, I create alignment with my conflict partner through listening and learning what's important to him, what he's really going for, and how what I'm offering might fit with his goals. By giving my partner the freedom to deliver his ...
Views: 664 - The Power Of Not Knowing: Understanding Your Adversary - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2008 from Judy RingerMost of the time, your eagerness to get your point across guarantees that you won't. It seems the harder you push to be heard, the harder they push back. How do you create a willing listener? It's easy: be one. Being heard is exactly what the other person wants, too. So give what you would like ...
Views: 664 - Conflict Mistakes - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2008 from Judy RingerOne of the questions I receive most often from my newsletter subscribers is what do I do when I've "blown it?" As one good friend said: "I forgot all the great ways I know to address a conflict. I reprimanded an employee by basically attacking her character. I did apologize, and, thankfully, she ...
Views: 1014 - Sophia And Sam: Life Lessons From Little Ones - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy RingerRecently, I had a delightful visit with my friend, Linda, and her four-month-old twins, Sophia and Sam. Oh my. What joyful little beings. Tiny centering machines. I'd gotten lost on the way to Linda's house and arrived half an hour late, uncentered and stressed. Sophia and Sam were asleep in ...
Views: 813 - High Hopes And Generosity Of Spirit - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy Ringer"But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes … " -- High Hopes, Jimmy Van Heusen/Sammy Cahn My friend, Suzanne, is an inspiration. One of her favorite songs is "High Hopes" – as in "high-apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes." I see Suzanne regularly at our ...
Views: 806 - Cultivating Gratitude - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy Ringer"When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, And I fall asleep counting my blessings." -- Irving Berlin Take a moment to think about this question: What are you thankful for? What came to mind? A person? A pet? A place? Good health? Home and ...
Views: 703 - Being Heard: Mental And Verbal Strategies For Getting Your Point Across - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Psychologists have found that we are each more interested in knowing that the other person is trying to empathize with us… than we are in believing that they have actually accomplished that goal. Good listening … is profoundly communicative. And struggling to understand communicates the most ...
Views: 1126 - Aikido And Conflict: Turning Difficult Moments Into Ki Moments - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy RingerOne of the things that interests me most about conflict is the tendency to resist it and the ways in which this resistance causes me to miss a ki moment - a key moment, when I might respond with purpose and intention but do not. Resistance is a reactive habit. When I resist, I'm on automatic, ...
Views: 941 - Stopping To Listen: The Precious Present - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year. He gives his ...
Views: 1176 - Stage Fright: Use It and Lose It - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy RingerAs a professional singer and speaker, I'm often asked if I still get nervous in front of an audience. I do. But I've learned to use my nervous energy – and minimize its impact. I practice aikido, a martial art based on aligning with the attacker and redirecting the attack. Instead of ...
Views: 2954 - Workplace Conflict: FAQs--An Interview With Judy Ringer - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy RingerDoes conflict disrupt your workplace environment? Read on! Judy Ringer answers some commonly asked questions on the subjects of workplace conflict, difficult people, and how to manage them more effectively. Q. What are some typical breakdowns in the workplace? JR: I wouldn’t call them ...
Views: 1226 - We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist For Difficult Conversations - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy RingerThink of a conversation you’ve been putting off. Got it? Great. Then let’s go. There are dozens of books on the topic of difficult, crucial, challenging, important (you get the idea) conversations (I list several at the end of this article). Those times when you know you should talk to ...
Views: 724 - Negotiating Life's Detours: Follow Your Energy - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy RingerSomeone asked me recently if I had a guiding principle that helped me decide what new work to take on, and how I decide how much time to spend pursuing my various interests. It's a great question. Entrepreneurs have an idea a minute, and it's often difficult to know which ideas to invest time ...
Views: 841 - View From Another Planet: Learning To Talk To Our Children - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy RingerOur goal in conscious communication is not to change the other person . . . Our goal is to establish connection. Andrew LeCompte, author, Creating Harmonious Relationships A parent of three attended a workshop I gave on managing conflict. A few days after the workshop, she emailed me to say ...
Views: 693 - Night And Day: Choosing Your Reality - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy Ringer"There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare The title of this great Cole Porter song -Night and Day - also describes the sometimes changeable nature of my outlook on life. Example: It is late evening, and I'm thinking about all I have to accomplish in ...
Views: 667 - The Greatest Gift - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Go ahead, Judy, talk to your father. What do you want to say?" With these words offered by my favorite Aunt Mimi, I was given the greatest gift—the gift of myself. Mimi and I had gone on an aunt-niece shopping adventure, and at age 15, I became the proud owner of my first mini-skirt. Upon ...
Views: 643 - Work, Work, Work: Making Each Moment Count - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerTime, time, time. It seems there is never enough of this precious life support. In a previous story about time, I quoted the following aphorism: TIME IS MY FRIEND, TIME IS MY ALLY I HAVE ALL THE TIME I NEED FOR EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO. I received a lot of grateful responses and some ...
Views: 711 - The Hot Tub - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerI swim most mornings at the community pool and then, if there’s time, reward myself with a soak in the hot tub. It's a great tub with room for four or five people, the water is really hot, and you can turn the bubbles on or off. My favorite soak is when I'm alone and the water is still. I ...
Views: 606 - Thank You Very Much – Turning Problems Into Gifts - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerI am a martial artist and black belt in aikido, a practice that continues to teach me about life, both on and off the mat. For example, at the end of each aikido practice, I express gratitude to my partners by bowing and saying: "Thank you very much." I've found over the years that sometimes I ...
Views: 760 - Reflections On A New Image - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerOccasionally I have an identity crisis. I think that's good. From time to time I have to ask myself questions like: Who am I? What am I doing? Do I like doing it? Am I good at it? Will it help the world? and How does the world know I'm doing it? It began this time when I asked a friend and ...
Views: 649 - Practice Makes Perfect: Changing Your Communication Habits One Step At a Time - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerWe are what we do repeatedly, Excellence, therefore, is not an act, It is a habit. -- Aristotle The concept of practice applies to any skill that you want to cultivate. If you take up a new musical instrument, you will need to practice a while before you're ready to give your first concert. ...
Views: 788 - Nothing More Than Feelings - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"How are you Inventing Your Life Today?" – the lead story from my last issue of Power & Presence – drew comments from several readers. Most of the comments went something like: "I wish I could have the degree of control over my life that you apparently do." I want to say, I wish I had the ...
Views: 823 - Make Their Day - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Use every man after his desert, and who shall 'scape whipping? Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty." – Hamlet, William Shakespeare When was the last time someone made your day – or you made theirs? In the national bestselling ...
Views: 735 - Living on Purpose: One Rock at a Time - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy RingerI just got back from Colorado where I spent a week relaxing, re-energizing and revisiting the key values in my life. The lodge where I stayed is called Peaceful Valley, and it has a chapel on the premises. I’ve been to Peaceful Valley and to this chapel many times over the years. The ...
Views: 663 - Letting Go Of Perfection - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect.'" – Thomas Crum, The Magic of Conflict I arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Almost immediately I noticed the room was too small and it was not set up as requested. There ...
Views: 1063 - How To Keep A Good Employee: Look, Listen, Learn - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy RingerRecently a client told me a wonderful story about how a change of attitude helped her to keep a valued employee. Angry and grumbling about one of the provisions in the company policy, the employee asked for a private meeting with my client, the owner of a small sales company, and began to tell ...
Views: 1034 - Knowing When I'm Not: 4 Suggestions for Developing a Strong Center - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerThe more I practice centering, the more I realize that as important as it is to be able to identify and access the centered state, it is equally important to be able to know when I'm NOT centered. Otherwise, how do I choose? When I'm centered I'm in control of my behavior. Centered action is ...
Views: 634 - Keeping Conflict in Perspective - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerA friend told me about a conflict she was having with her next door neighbor. Due to a misunderstanding the neighbor was pretty upset, so much so that when they passed on the street and my friend said hello and reached out to shake his hand, he withdrew it, avoided eye contact, muttered a ...
Views: 811 - Keep the Channel Open - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerWhy do you do what you do? What is your real work in the world, and why is it important to know the answer? I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I have started and run several businesses, and as I look back, I think the most important element in financial and personal success is awareness of purpose ...
Views: 633 - Giving Others the Benefit of the Doubt - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerThere’s a saying in aikido, “There are many lessons on the mat.” It means that when we’re practicing aikido we’re not just learning aikido, we’re also learning about life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist too hard and I get angry but don’t say ...
Views: 711 - Difficult Conversations - Getting Started - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerIs there a conversation you've been putting off? Is there a coworker or family member with whom you need to talk - but don't? Maybe you've tried and it didn't turn out as you had hoped. Or maybe you fear that talking will only make things worse. Whatever the reason, you feel stuck and you'd like ...
Views: 655 - It’s A Habit - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy RingerDo you sometimes have the feeling that you're running into the same obstacles over and over again? Many of my conflicts have the same feel to them, like "Hey, I think I've been here before," but I can't figure out how I wound up in the same place. The situation is different, but the conflict ...
Views: 928 - How Are You Inventing Your Life Today? - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy Ringer"Organisms do not experience environments, they create them." -- From A Simpler Way, by Margaret Wheatley Walking down Lincoln Avenue in Portsmouth, I am struck by the beauty of the day – forsythia, tulips and daffodils, bright sun, warm breeze – and the freedom and privilege I have to walk in ...
Views: 973 - Holiday "Ki" Moments: Choosing Your Best Self - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy Ringer"I like to think of myself as an artist, and my life is my greatest work of art. Every moment is a moment of creation, and each moment of creation contains infinite possibilities. I can do things the way I've always done them, or I can look at all the different alternatives, and try something ...
Views: 677 - Communicating on Purpose - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy RingerLast week I attended an excellent 2-day workshop called "Staying Grounded When on the Spot," offered by the Public Conversations Project, in Watertown, MA. Geared to help facilitators and trainers manage challenging group moments, I found that the skills applied in a variety of settings, ...
Views: 711 - Centering Defined: What, How and Why? - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy RingerWhat is center? How do you choose to be centered, and why? In what ways can you develop a strong center? As a student and instructor of the Japanese martial art Aikido, and as a professional speaker and trainer, I often present on this topic and, in addition, have made centering a life ...
Views: 678 - Have a Present Moment! - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy RingerIt was the 10th day of rain, and I walked into the pool locker room feeling a little soggy around the edges. I asked my pool friend, Laurie, how she was and she said, "Bright and cheery. It's a wonderful day and I'm going to accomplish a lot of good things." Laurie, who is recovering from hip ...
Views: 635 - Happy Holidays? It’s Up To You - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy RingerThe Holiday Season. Does time seems to compress, or is it just me? There's so much going on - the end of autumn, the beginning of winter, and all the holidays that follow. As a child it was an exciting time of year. As an adult, it seems filled with more shopping, baking, parties, and other ...
Views: 664 - Go Where Your Energy is Strong - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy Ringer"Keep your center and you’ll know which way you have to go." – Terry Dobson, aikidoist and author, Aikido In Everyday Life I had undertaken a project that I was beginning to feel was beyond my personal resources to accomplish. I had asked a friend and colleague if I might organize a workshop ...
Views: 761 - Breathing: The Way Back to Balance - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy Ringer“If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, change your mind.” This brief quotation from the Dalai Lama reminds me that my experience of life changes as I do. As I change, I change the way I influence - and am influenced by - my surroundings. How are you inventing your life today? How ...
Views: 655 - Be Curious – And Be A Successful Communicator - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy RingerThere are many ways to improve the way you communicate. For example, you will always start things off on the right foot by opening the conversation in a way that creates mutual respect. Using phrases such as, "If you have a minute, I'd like to talk with you about something that I think will ...
Views: 757 - Conflict and Change: Managing Emotional Energy - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Judy RingerThe beginning of a new year, like the beginning of anything, brings with it thoughts of change, rejuvenation, new life, and resolutions about how to accomplish these changes. Life offers possibilities of a fresh start for our relationships. But we don't always carry through on our resolutions. ...
Views: 1307 - Are You Worried? 4 Steps to Peace of Mind - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Judy RingerA friend has this quotation on his office wall: "I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens." I think I must believe that, because I worry a lot -- and about the most insignificant things. I worry about the big things, of course, like health, relationships, and finances. But ...
Views: 611 - Advocate Respectfully - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Judy RingerThis is one of a series of brief articles on holding difficult conversations. In earlier issues of Ki Moments, I suggested ways to open communications that create mutual respect; we talked about the importance of knowing your purpose for the conversation; and we added Inquiry and Curiosity to ...
Views: 771 - A Gift of Energy - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Judy Ringer"When attack becomes dance, everything is seen as a gift of energy." That sounds great, doesn't it? Couldn't we all use a little more energy from time to time? I know I could. Right now, for instance, as I sit with a blanket over my shoulders, sipping lemon tea and hoping that the next ...
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