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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- ***Is It Important to you to be Healthy? - by Submitted on Dec 24, 2009 from Margaret PaulHow important is your physical health to you? Of course, most people will say that they really want to be healthy, but what are you willing to DO to be healthy? And what are you willing to NOT DO to be healthy? In other words, what is more important to you than being healthy?Is more ...
Views: 5846(4 votes) - ***Safety With an Open Heart - by Submitted on Jan 28, 2010 from Margaret PaulDo you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed? Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others?As children, many people had very heartbreaking experiences that caused them to close ...
Views: 4087(2 votes) - ***The Art of Manifestation: When It Is Loving to Be Controlling - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2010 from Margaret PaulIs it loving or unloving to be controlling? It all depends on your intent, on which part of you is trying to control, and what you are trying to control.When Controlling is UnlovingWhen you are coming from an ego wounded part of yourself and your intent is to control others to get them to do ...
Views: 2744(2 votes) - ***What to do When You Can't Communicate - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2011 from Margaret PaulWhat do you usually do when you get stuck with someone and can't communicate?Do you:Try harder to get your point across, talking louder or faster?Get angry, shouting to intimidate the other person into hearing you and/or agreeing with you?Cry in frustration?Feel resigned, give in and just listen ...
Views: 2917(2 votes) - 7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship - by Submitted on Feb 08, 2005 from Margaret PaulGood relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health ...
Views: 25044(6 votes) - Heartbreak - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2010 from Margaret PaulCeline, an only child, was 7 years old, her mother died tragically in a car accident. She and her father were devastated. However, unlike so many of my clients who lost parents and no one was there for them, Celine's father was completely there for her, even while dealing with his own grief and ...
Views: 5594(4 votes) - Life's One Achievable Goal - by Submitted on May 19, 2010 from Margaret PaulMost of us have many goals in life. These goals might have to do with work, finances, relationships and family.Some of the goals that many people strive for are to feel worthy, loved, and valued. Many people spend much time in their lives seeking the approval of others, believing that getting ...
Views: 4562(6 votes) - The ONE Major Cause of Relationship Problems! - by Submitted on Jul 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat if there really is ONE major cause of relationship problems, one issue that if you address, would change everything? The good news and the bad news is - there is!The good news is that it makes it easier to understand why you might be having problems in your relationship.The bad news is that ...
Views: 4926(2 votes) - Two Choices That can Make Next Year The Best Year of Your Life - by Submitted on Dec 14, 2004 from Margaret PaulWhat if there were just two choices you could make to insure that next year would be wonderful? There actually are, and these choices are quite simple in concept, yet not easy to do. They are not things you do on the outside, such as exercising your body (which is always a good thing to do!) but ...
Views: 4267(2 votes) - What is Emotional Freedom? - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2010 from Margaret PaulMy definition of emotional freedom is being free from feeling like a victim of and controlled by our emotions. We are emotionally free when we know how to learn from and manage our feelings so that we are not reactive to them and they don't control us.How Do We Attain Emotional Freedom? ...
Views: 4905(2 votes) - *** Relationships: The Art of Listening - by Submitted on Jun 10, 2009 from Margaret PaulIn 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy." In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "active listen," which ...
Views: 4164(5 votes) - ***Healing Social Phobia - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat is Social Phobia?Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of interacting with others in various situations: groups, work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or store, and so on. People with social phobia experience extreme anxiety or panic when they know that they have to ...
Views: 5259(5 votes) - ***"I Feel Empty" - by Submitted on Jul 20, 2009 from Margaret PaulIf you feel empty, you are not alone in feeling this way.Many people feel empty inside, and most people who feel empty have some deep false beliefs regarding why they feel empty. Below are some of these false beliefs.I feel empty because:• My partner is not giving me ...
Views: 10169(6 votes) - ***Addictions: Talking as a Form of Resistance - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulI am sitting with Bryan at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives. Bryan is talking about one thing after another, and I cannot follow him at all. Nor can I connect with him. My loneliness in sitting with him is giving me important information - that he is in his head, in his wounded self, ...
Views: 5144(3 votes) - ***Avoiding Your Feelings by Focusing on Your Partner - by Submitted on Nov 25, 2009 from Margaret PaulWe all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them. Some of the ways are obvious, such as using substances and processes. Some of the ways can be very subtle.Leon often struggled with feeling empty inside. Inner emptiness is a symptom of a ...
Views: 5397(3 votes) - ***Healing Love and Approval Addiction - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you love or approval addicted?Do you often feel empty inside if you are not in a relationship?Do you often feel empty inside even if you are in a relationship but your partner is not paying attention to you?Do you get anxious when a person you are dating does not contact you when you expect ...
Views: 4951(3 votes) - ***Moving Beyond Emotional Dependency - by Submitted on Aug 30, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you ready to be your own person? Are you ready to move beyond neediness and into emotional freedom? Are you ready to stop needing others to make you feel that you are okay? Are you ready to learn to fill yourself with love and define your own worth?I hope so! Being emotionally dependent is a ...
Views: 5519(3 votes) - ***The Crazymaking Trap: Proving Your Worth Over and Over - by Submitted on Jan 03, 2011 from Margaret PaulMarcus grew up the eldest of three, with a highly critical mother and an absent father. Marcus's mother frequently told him or implied that he was too stupid to take care of himself - that he would be nothing without her. She programmed him to believe that she was his only source of love and ...
Views: 3500(3 votes) - *7 Step Guide To Never Having Sex In Your Marriage - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2008 from Margaret PaulOne of the most common complaints I receive in my relationship counseling work is "We hardly ever have sex." Since you might be addicted to the anger and complaining around this issue, I want to make sure you do ALL the right things so you get to continue being angry and complaining about ...
Views: 2799(3 votes) - Addiction to Distractions - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhen we were growing up, we experienced many life situations that caused us deep heartbreak. Any time we lost someone we loved, or we were yelled at, ridiculed, shamed, ignored, not seen or connected with, physically or sexually abused, or treated in any other unloving ways, our little hearts ...
Views: 5757(3 votes) - ***Core Sadness vs. Wounded Sadness - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulVery often, in my work with my clients, when I ask them what they are feeling they say, "I feel sad." Often, they do not know why they feel sad.Sadness comes from two very different sources.Core SadnessCore sadness is sadness that is in reaction to something that is happening or has ...
Views: 5895(7 votes) - ***"If I'm Perfect, No One Will Reject Me" - Healing Perfectionism - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2011 from Margaret PaulDo you believe that being "perfect" gives you control over how people feel about you?"If you do, then you are coming from 3 big false beliefs that are causing you much unhappiness.False Belief #1"I can have control over how people feel about me."Think for a moment ...
Views: 4766(4 votes) - ***Am I in a Healthy Relationship? - by Submitted on May 12, 2010 from Margaret PaulFrequently, my clients and members of our website ask me, "Is my relationship healthy? How do I know if it is healthy?"Just as physical health is on a continuum, emotional health and relationship health are also on a continuum. And, like physical health, each person may have different ...
Views: 5262(4 votes) - ***Are You Making These 4 Mistakes? - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2011 from Margaret PaulI, like many of you, was brought up and programmed to believe in a number of ideas that have turned out to be untrue. These false beliefs led me to make various life and relationship mistakes. I didn't like making mistakes any more than you do, but it is from my mistakes that I've learned so ...
Views: 2962(4 votes) - ***The Silent Treatment - by Submitted on Oct 14, 2009 from Margaret PaulResearch indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored. When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse.The silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way to attempt to ...
Views: 10038(5 votes) - Healing Emotional Dependency - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2010 from Margaret PaulYou are emotionally dependent when your happiness, sense of safety, and sense of worth are dependent upon others' love, attention, and approval.When you were growing up, perhaps you heard statements like: "What will the neighbors think?" "What will__(so and so)__think if you do ...
Views: 10274(6 votes) - Hurt Feelings vs. Hurt Heart - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2009 from Margaret PaulClifford, 42, married with children, told me during a phone session that he was tired of not feeling happy and joyous. "As a small child, I remember being so happy and excited about life. But my parents didn't receive me at all. They were indifferent to my creativity and ...
Views: 6278(6 votes) - *** Cinderella Was Not Saved - She Was a Happy Person All Along! - by Submitted on Apr 13, 2009 from Margaret PaulWould the prince have chosen Cinderella to marry if she was a miserable young woman? If her stepsisters were beautiful but miserable, would he have chosen either of them? Are you living under the delusion that when you meet your soul mate you will finally be happy - that your misery is because ...
Views: 18080(15 votes) - ***Loving Yourself First - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2009 from Margaret Paul"I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line."--Lucile Ball, 1911-1989, Comedienne and ActressLucile Ball was a very smart woman!Do you believe that if you put others first, they will love and value you and you will feel ...
Views: 10660(18 votes) - "There's Too Much To Do" - by Submitted on Oct 27, 2010 from Margaret Paul"There's too much to do. You'll never get it all done." My wounded self was harping on me about not having enough time. It's true that my life is very busy. But every time my wounded self told me that there is too much to do and that I will never get it all done, my body got tense. And, as I ...
Views: 3677(2 votes) - *** Getting Love, Being Loving - by Submitted on May 04, 2009 from Margaret PaulTake a moment right now to think about your real intention when it comes to love: Is it most important to you to get someone to love you - to get love? Is it more important to you to be a loving person - to give love to yourself and others?At any moment, you have one of these two intentions, ...
Views: 3395(2 votes) - *** Happiness and Financial Success - Which Comes First? - by Submitted on May 12, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhich statement do you believe is the most true? Happiness brings you financial successFinancial success brings you happinessYou might be surprised to learn that research suggests the first statement to be the most true. Again, which statement to you believe is the most true? Happiness is ...
Views: 5804(3 votes) - *** Love Asks for Nothing - by Submitted on May 19, 2009 from Margaret Paul"We 'love' another in order to get something ourselves….There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything." -- A Course in Miracles "Love is incapable of asking for anything." Wow! Take a moment to think about that ...
Views: 3022(3 votes) - *** Love: Is This Romance or is This Friendship? - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2009 from Margaret PaulJames, in his middle 30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy. "She is really beautiful, although I'm not sure she's my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same interests, the same values, we go to the ...
Views: 3277(2 votes) - *** Marriage: Responsibility vs. Fault - by Submitted on Feb 04, 2008 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling practice, I often hear people saying things like: "It's my fault that she asked for a divorce. If I hadn't worked so much, she wouldn't have left." "It's my fault that he left. If I had been more sexual, he wouldn't have had an affair." I often hear clients ask, when I ...
Views: 4761(2 votes) - *** Real Love: What is Real Love? - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2009 from Margaret PaulMost people would love to have "real love," yet often they have no idea what real love is. Take a moment to think about how you would define real love. Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see color - you have to feel it know what it is. ...
Views: 3361(2 votes) - ***"I Feel Trapped" - by Submitted on Jul 07, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I can't seem to stop snacking," said Linda, in our phone session. "And I can't figure out why. I don't overeat during meals, but then I snack on things that I don't need to be eating. I've had this issue on and off since adolescence and I want to resolve ...
Views: 2990(1 vote) - ***"I Just Want to be Understood." - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Seek first to understand and then to be understood." - Stephen CoveyHow often have you heard yourself say:"I just want someone to understand me.""I just want to be heard.""I feel invisible.""I just want to be seen."I know what it feels like to ...
Views: 8447(1 vote) - ***"I Just Want to Explain" - Explaining as a Form of Control - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2010 from Margaret Paul"My husband never lets me explain anything to him. It's so frustrating! He makes these statements that are blaming and attacking and then he won't listen to me when I'm trying to explain.""Why do you want to explain?""I NEED to explain because he is not seeing things ...
Views: 3666(3 votes) - ***3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal - by Submitted on Nov 08, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Betrayal is one of the hardest things to go through, and it is vitally important that you deal with it in a way that doesn’t cause you even more pain. ________________________________________ It is devastating when someone whom we believe cares about ...
Views: 2822(2 votes) - ***9 Secrets For A Joyful Life - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Joy is our birthright - a gift of Spirit. Discover the choices you can make to lead a joyful life. ________________________________________ 1. Self-Compassion Rather Than Self-Judgment In the 44 years I've been counseling clients, I've never had a ...
Views: 2789(3 votes) - ***A Different Kind of New Year's Resolution - by Submitted on Dec 30, 2009 from Margaret PaulThere are two kinds of New Year's Resolutions:What you are going to do to accomplish your goalsWho you want to beMany New Year's Resolutions are of the first kind:I'm going to lose 25 pounds this yearI'm going to exercise every dayI'm going to learn self-disciplineI'm going to double my ...
Views: 4909(5 votes) - ***Are You and Your Partner Hurting Each Other? - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2011 from Margaret PaulAre you aware of how you may be hurting your partner?Are you aware of how your partner may be hurting you?Are you aware of the painful feelings of loneliness, heartache and heartbreak you likely feel when you are disconnected from your loved one and unable to share love?The sharing of love is ...
Views: 3257(1 vote) - ***Discover Your Level of Narcissism - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2011 from Margaret PaulAll of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ...
Views: 2759(1 vote) - ***Do You Avoid Failure Like the Plague? - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2010 from Margaret Paul"You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."--Mary Pickford, 1893-1979, Actress and producerThere are two kinds of people: those who focus on avoiding failure, and those who focus on learning ...
Views: 5275(2 votes) - ***Does Niceness Get A Closed Person Open? - by Submitted on Aug 03, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Were you taught that if you were nice others would be nice? ________________________________________ "I had this really terrible interaction on the phone with a customer on Tuesday," Carlton told me in our Skype session. "This guy was so closed and ...
Views: 1691(1 vote) - ***Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling? - by Submitted on Feb 29, 2012 from Margaret PaulGiving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference?The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others.Giving From A Full HeartWhen we give from a full heart, we are giving because we are so filled up ...
Views: 3069(2 votes) - ***Healing a 'Fix Others' Addiction - by Submitted on Jul 07, 2015 from Margaret PaulAre you addicted to fixing others? Do you believe this is loving rather than controlling? Many of us were raised to base our identity on helping or fixing others. Fixing others is often the addiction of choice for people who have a naturally deep level of empathy and who easily feel ...
Views: 1352(2 votes) - ***Holding Your Heart Through Sadness and Heartbreak - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I've finally learned how to lovingly hold my heart when my heart hurts from the pain of disconnection with loved ones," said Meagan in our phone session. "I've discovered that it's possible to feel peaceful even in the midst of loneliness and heartbreak."Does it seem like a ...
Views: 3037(1 vote) - ***How do you Make Others Responsible for Your Painful Feelings? - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe have all learned many ways of trying to avoid or get rid of our painful feelings. Many of these ways are fairly obvious: addictions to substances and activities, staying in your mind rather than in your body, or judging yourself.Another major way we avoid or try to get rid of our painful ...
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